Friday, December 27, 2013

If my life is sad why am I so happy

1 month, 13 countries. Hours on planes, more hours of sleepless nights. Sounds like a nightmare or like a lot of fun. I have never looked better in my life like I look now. I have never been happier. Despite occasional time zone confusion and question I ask on board waiting for the plane to take off: 'actually, where are we going now?', there is no single misunderstanding. Even when our plane makes emergency landing with burning hot right engine I say: 'relax, nothing will happen to us, besides even if you stress out, nothing is going to change. You just die panicking instead of having nice thoughts.'
One can say: poor girl! Leaves the office at 20:30 on Friday night.
Hell yeah. My reward is waiting 3 sleeps away. If your home is where your heart is... Jerusalem is my villa.

To every man I said 'I love you' before, sorry... I was talking out of my ass. I had no idea what love is. Until now.

Monday, November 04, 2013

From the promised island to the promised island

The empty flat doesn't scare me. Emptiness doesn't scare me. There is no empty space inside me. Everything is filled with hope and love. Everything is in place. Everything is right as it should be. Even if this is too crazy, too hard, too fast, too busy, too chectic, too absorbing, too far, too exhausting, too passionate, too much, too hot, too late...It still is just right.

Have I just said too hot? No, it's not hot. It's November. It's perfect. 

Friday, October 18, 2013

No chemistry

'You know, that finger I smashed between the doors ages ago, like in 2006 (I will never forget the exact time and place because pain was so excruciating and the finger healed for weeks)... That finger... Every now and then it becomes totally cold from inside out and numb, usually at night. Like as if I was pierced with a freaking blade of Nazgul or something.'

'And then it goes away?'
'Probably just damaged nerves or something. You know like the fantom leg or arm after the amputation. Damaged ends of your neurons let you know about themselves. I wouldn't worry about it.'
'Imagine what happens to the broken heart if you apply this theory...'
'I hope you are not broken-hearted?'
'I have you. You are my heart.'
'Even less reasons to worry then.'

And so... With every word, with every touch, with every cup of freshly made coffee, with every sweet note left, with every phone call, with every run together, with every dream we share with every smile... I'm falling deeper and deeper in love like a crazy teenager.  

Good omen

So it's the night and I obviously cannot sleep. Germans have the right word for this state which can be loosely translated as travelers' fever.
Since there is no good medicine for such condition (maybe a bottle of vodka but I yet need to test that, as no clinical trials I know of were conducted), I have made myself a good old Earl Gray cuppa and decided to say 'good night' to the apple tree in the garden.

I love that garden because many happy moments took place there and I surely will miss that. But the garden at night has an additional bonus, since it is located fairly far from the artificial sources of light and hence the sky enhanced by darkness rewards a night visitor with a breathtaking view on millions of stars. The Milky Way chose to run just above the house and the Big Dipper (which always gives me a feeling of home, no matter where I am) is displayed just on my left.

But tonight the sky is patched with clouds so I don't expect anything extraordinary. I just sit there looking at the apple tree casting weird shadows and try to absorb the peace of the place.

And then I raise my head and just above me a cosmic rock of unusually big size flashes with light and smoke rushing towards the Earth in the complete silence.

I smile to myself. I wish you were with me here. But it's two weeks still so I can finally rest myself in your arms and you know fair well that I cannot wait. And you know that we are like this picture from the garden. No expectation of anything extraordinary and clouds above my head. And then you came suddenly and have brighten up my night, when I was so scared. When I needed you, not knowing that it is you I need. And you made my completion more complete. So that suddenly as if without my doing everything falls into right places. 

OK, OK.... I have to give myself a credit here. I actually made a lot of effort and it doesn't stop here. This story is just about to begin and it will be a lot of work, a lot of hard work, a lot more effort, a lot more packing, hotels, living on the suitcases, targets, analyses, strategies, overtimes, many more handshakes and semi-artificial smiles I have practiced to perfection. Massive amount of reading and hours spent in front of my computer screen, neck and wrists hurting from typing, legs swollen from high-heels, eyes itching from jet-lag, networking, small talks, negotiations.... I have been there before. Now I will do it even better. And I know it's going to be just fine.

As long as you sing to me about sinkholes in my life, as long as we can laugh like kids well into the night, as long as you bite your lower lip observing my reactions. As long as we let G*d writing moral to this story, I could run with you even 3 marathons one after another darling, but what's the point if we have... Horses.

Sunday, October 13, 2013


Today someone compared the feeling of being with me to 'running in bare feet shoes'....

This was probably the most romantic thing I have ever heard. 
Thank you, good night.